Oh, FOOT!

Peanut’s favorite expression of frustration is, “Oh, FOOT!”. Quite hilarious and ironic considering all of the problems she has with her feet. Yes, sadly, the little nut has all kinds of podiatry issues—issues that come with the territory of being 92, I guess. And I won’t go into all of the gory details (cause I really don’t want to gross y’all out), but I will say that it’s AMAZING that Peenie scoots around at the rate she does. And so fashionably, to boot (pun intended)!

Peanut wakes up every morning around 5 am. If she sleeps past 5:30 (which she has, a couple of times), she gets really upset with herself for sleeping in (insert, “Oh, FOOT!” here) and feels like half of her day is lost. First thing she does in the morning is go put on her “face” (complete with Orange Flip lipstick), and put her “breakfast outfit” on. Peanut told me last week that when she was a young mother, she decided she’d never be a “housecoat housewife”…cause that’s tacky and “you never get dressed till noon”. Because of this, you’ll never see Peenie in her striped Hannah Anderson long johns at breakfast. Nope, she’s got an outfit ‘specially for breakfast which usually consists of support hose, athletic socks, tennis shoes, a skirt, a turtleneck, her gold jewelry, and a lime green Ralph Lauren track jacket that my mom recently gave her. Orange Flip lipstick and a compact mirror in tow as well, so she can reapply between sips of coffee, of course.

As I’ve said, Peanut likes to eat a large breakfast. She snacks on fruit (strawberries, blueberries and banana slices) and sips her coffee until 6:45, when I wake up. Then we make eggs (preferably poached), APPLEWOOD SMOKED bacon (she will NOT use any other kind, but hey, I’m not complaining), and English muffins. Peanut was originally addicted to the white English muffins, but I’ve since convinced her to switch to whole wheat cause they’re healthier. Win! Between the two of us, we drink an INSANE amount of coffee (8 cups), and it is some GOOD stuff, let-me-tell-you. Peanut can brew a fresh pot better than the best of ‘em. Seriously. If I could, I’d sign her up for a brewing competition and place all of my betting money on her. Part of the reason her coffee is so good might be because it’s Columbian and it’s from The Fresh Market, but I think she’s got some sort of magic secret she’s not telling me. It’s not too weak, not too strong, not to acidic…it’s…Peenie Perfect! I should copyright that.

After breakfast, the round of phone calls from my aunts and uncles begins, and I begin to get ready for work. I keep my bathroom door open, though—so I can listen to her chatter away. Yesterday I stabbed myself in the eyeball with my mascara wand because of something hilarious she said, and for the life of me, I CANNOT remember now what it was. FOOT. See? Now she’s got me saying it. You’re next.

When I leave for work, Peanut goes upstairs and changes into her “going out” outfit--a ruffled skirt, a sweater, a Trina Turk leopard jacket with turquoise lining that my mom also gave her (mom batting 1000% in the jacket category), her patent leather loafers, and her new orange (duh—gotta have something to match that lipstick) Long Champ tote that I convinced her to buy. SO. FREAKING. CUTE. Once she’s stylin’, she gets into her Buick (stay off the roads, Greenville—she still drives) and begins her daily visits. There are different places each day of the week, of course. But two remain consistent: The Fresh Market and Oriental House. Those she goes to almost every day. Typical purchases at The Fresh Market include:

1.       Coffee. Columbian. Grinds it herself.

2.       Walnuts. Eats ‘em like they’re “goin’ outta style”.

3.       Milk. 2%. Only drinks Mayfield.

4.       Flowers for the house and Tom’s office.

After hugs all around to her Fresh Market family, off she goes to Oriental House to see the other members of her fan club. There, she orders an egg roll and vegetable soup. And more coffee, of course. But it better be HOT, or it is sent back to the kitchen!

After her mid-day feast, Peanut reapplies Orange Flip and runs whatever errands might be left. Bank, dry cleaners, trip to see her accountant, more of the fan club, etc. Then she heads home and waits for me! By the time I arrive around 5:30, she’s already in her striped Hannah Anderson long johns (Orange Flip still on) and ready to eat her nightly bowl of cereal (Muesli with walnuts, raisins, and bananas, if you were wondering). We chat about the events of the day until she turns on FOX News and yells at the TV for about 30 minutes. This is HILARIOUS, I can’t even tell you. She gets jacked UP, friends. One of these days, I’ll post a video of her watching the news. Though I might have to edit it. Not that she uses profanity or anything—she’s just a product of her generation and she…stereotypes, to put it nicely. Anyway, after she squalls at O’Reilly and bemoans the state of the Union, she looks at the clock and, “Oh, FOOT! It’s late, Katy! Time for bed!” Then I watch her as she goes up the stairs, step by step. And as waves me goodnight, I turn off the lights.

“Goodnight, Peanut!”

“Goodnight, Katy! See you in the mor-neek!”

…mor-neek (morning) is a Peenie-ism. I’ve got to start a list. 

And that’s the usual daily grind with Peanut, complete with countless exclamations of, “Oh, FOOT!” and at least a tube of Orange Flip.

I’ll leave you with this:

A pic of Peenie in her long johns and track jacket, holding some embarrassing pre-adolescent photos of my brothers, Will and Mitch! Don’t tell on me, though--to Peenie or the boys!